Hot Salad

You will not get me all riled up this morning. I could hear you rustling around with the cereal bags instead of just pouring yourself a freaking bowl of cereal on the counter like a normal human being. I know you know that I know you snuck that bowl of “other” cereal instead of having the cereal in the designated cereal distributing device. Putting three cheerios in your bowl on top of the honeycomb doesn’t fool me. Just know that by tomorrow you won’t be able to access the other cereals. Poof. Nothing for me to get angry about, no arguments, just poof. We have the “only this cereal on school days” rule for a reason, because you are an irrational child. I also know that you’ve been eating your cereal for 20 freaking minutes, loudly, right by me, to allow me MORE time to NOT SCREAM MY BRAINS OUT, and I thank you for that. Take 45 minutes today child, my will is strong and you will not ruin my day over a bowl of cereal.

See also - don’t freaking lie and say you lost your headband and ask to borrow Maggie’s brand new special-to-her pony-tail holder and be all pissy with me when I say no then *turn up with the lost headband* 30 seconds after that.  You never lost the headband.  I know it, you know it.  I’m not going to waste my time pointing out the lie so that you can argue that no you didn’t lie so you can play the victim.  Our wonderful Chris is teaching me.  I will resist.  Maybe I’ll even make you a cheery “hair containment item” holder, so we can be sure your hair containment implements don’t go missing.

Lastly, if you choose to wait til 7:50am to make your lunch, please don’t expect your Dad to bail you out, again.  It appears he also is wearing his learning brain.  Muttering in direct hearing distance of Dad “I need to make a sandwich, but I don’t want to.” and “I want to get my snacks, maybe Dad will make my sandwich.” will only cause him to NOT be tricked by you.